Moved on.

You can find me at Retrobot.ca now!

Year of Do.

2009, as the subject says, seems to be the "Year of Do."

Long I've gone on about planning to do many things. And more than just what should I eat for supper tonight. I'm talking bigger, more important things. Like, what should I eat for breakfast.

I joke, the answer is totally bacon.


For starters, I've been talking about having another spaghetti night since the last one which, for those keeping score at home, is well over three years ago now. I'm not always the fastest, but I get there eventually.

Sunday's the big day. I'm going to be surrounded by adults and kids and kid-like adults, with lots of spaghetti to go around. On the day before, with grubby list in hand, I went to the grocery store to get all the supplies. Garlic, good, peppers, got them, lots of mushrooms, parmesan, asiago, onions and so on. Then I came to the ground beef, of which I needed 1.5lbs. Or, at least that's what I wrote down. Don't be surprised if there's a later update titled "What was I thinking?". Actually, that's bound to come up regardless.

However, I'm in Canada and all the meat — every last little bit — was measured solely in kilograms. Which, without my computer, is pretty useless to me.

I could just pick a medium-sized package and hoped for the best. Maybe make a half- or double-batch as needed. Maybe even a quadruple-batch. Meatballs are pretty tasty after all. I even found a package that I thought would make a good amount of meatballs for all involved. But no, for some reason I get it in my head that I wrote on that grubby (it's been carried around a bit all day) list that I only need 1.5lbs, and that's what I'm going to buy.

Thus begins my next task. Walking up and down the aisles looking for anything, anything at all, measured by weight in both pounds and kilograms. An international package of imperial and metric proportions is all I need. Ridiculous, I know. Naturally I went straight for the turkey's. Easter, for those that haven't seen the chocolate eggs exploding across the stores, is quickly approaching and I've got turkey on the mind. But no, they were listed in kilograms only. And of the evil pre-stuffed variety I might add. Moving along, the hams and chickens were equally useless, though I'm sure quite tasty. But then I found it. My rosetta stone. It was so important I completely forget what it was. All I know is that it weighed 10lbs/4.5kg. Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant.

I marched back to the ground meat section and promptly picked up the package I'd originally picked out.

It was more than 1.5lbs.

I didn't care. I decided I wanted more meatballs.

My pointless conversation.

A couple of days ago, I created a new yahoo mail account under the guise of Franz Diefendorf and, I must say, I'm pretty proud of that name. It's a good, strong, foreign name. Might even name my future dog Franz Diefendorf.

For a bit of fun, I emailed back Irina from my new account, she did sound pretty nice for a tramp after all.

First day came and went and I didn't think anything of it. Second day and third day still nothing. What kind of spammer is this that doesn't even respond when prompted? A bad spammer, that's who. Clearly she's doesn't like Germans.

On the fourth day however:

Hello Franz!!!
Thank you for your letter.
I want to tell you something about myself in this letter.
My name is Irina. I live in Ukraine. In Kiev city.
My height is 170cm. I dont have children. I am feminine and tender inside of my heart.
I like a home comfort, warmth and calm in family relation.
I was born on 28 of February in 1982.
In 1999 I finished the school. Studying 5 years I finished the university.
I learnt English at the university.
I work as nurse as it is difficult to find the job of my speciality.
I live one. I write from cyber cafe, as I dont have a telephone at home.
Write me more about you.
What do you like? Have you got a family?
Children? What is your job? Do you like nature?
Have you got pets? Can you send your pictures?
I am waiting for your letter.


Irina.

Success! We have contact. Barely.

So I wrote back:

Hello Irina,

I'm very sorry.
I thought we had something special.
But my friends tell me you've been emailing them too.
I'm very hurt and sad now.

Franz.

Sadly. She responded with the same-style email and ignored my concerns. I thought she was caring and tender on the inside of her heart?

Such hopes for comedic triumph dashed. Next time I'll find a better spammer to engage in a conversation with.

-d

Oh, you again.

I don't know about anyone else, but lately I've been getting a lot of spam from various people for this "Irina Ginsburg." The message is always the same:

"Hello ! My name is Irina Ginsburg. Soon i will be 27 years old. I am single girl and never be married before. I do not have children but I love children very much.

If you want to correspond with me too, my e-mail is: iren1nice@gmail.com
Irina"

I also receive the Dictionary.com Word of the Day, which, on more than one occasion, has been surprisingly relative. For instance, the day I got my new bed, theWord of the Day was "abed".

Today's word, in conjunction with yet another email for Irina is "interminable".

Somehow, I don't think this is the last I'll be hearing from Irina, though I'm sure "she's" very lovely.

I certainly like single girls that have never be married before.

Bigger and better.

I don't think he's ever been this large. Not sure if you can really tell, but at the highest point, he's actually got a few inches on me. While that's not really saying much, it's still pretty nifty.

2009 January - Pardon?

We all do it, see something out of the corner of our eye or just barely catch something said and horribly misunderstand what was actually said. A favorite of mine is when I heard someone say they couldn't come to the market because they had syphilis (it was actually sniffles).

So, each month, I hope to keep track of this and report to you, faithful reader, to laugh at me.

January 2009

• "Pre-wormed" mixed greens do have a lot more protein than "pre-washed" ones.
  
• Somehow, I'm sure Marlo the birthday girl was saying something about her "Thomas the Train" cake and not "Metallica"

Mission accomplished!

On Friday, as part of a super-busy weekend containing two art shows (though I missed one of them), two birthday parties (made it to both), meetings and a Wintersleep concert (okay, well, it sounded busy to me), I went to one of the art shows.

The original plan was to go with a friend who had to bail on me that morning and, failing to find anyone else, I decided to follow a piece of the vast amount of advice I've been given, which is to start going to events on my own. Apparently, as they tell me, Newfoundlanders are very friendly and I'll meet lots of people in no time. Seems reasonable enough and I really did want to see the tilt-shift photography.

So I went, walked around, looked at the pictures (there's an amazing one of diggers at a construction site) and walked around some more. People showed up, saw their friends and talked and talked. 

In the end, one person did talk to me with the precise words of "Four dollars please" and then I walked off with my beer. Mission accomplished!

-devo

PS — No comments about how just once doesn't count, how I should stop being negative or anything of the sort! Can't a guy make a joke at the expense of himself? Sheesh!